I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
