Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
