Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
50% drunk capacity currently
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
