Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
