sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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