I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
