The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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