went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
