"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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