I think im going to throw up on grandma
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
His nipple licking is glorious
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