I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
