I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
