weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
