i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Drunk is not a location!
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
