i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
