I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
