Plan B is the new Plan A
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
