My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
