Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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