I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
