rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
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