Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
