doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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