Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
