were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
why is half of my head shaved?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
