I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
