the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
