Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
