Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
accomplished twins. life is a go
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
