I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
