yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Randomize
