Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
