I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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