At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
