Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
