Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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