belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
