I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
