Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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