She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
