Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
