i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Text me some of your sweat
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
