she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
