I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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