Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
