Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
