It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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