He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
