well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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