Whod you bang
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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