You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Who died my cat blue again?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
