sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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